for as long as I can remember I've always had to pump up for humans. they are too stimulating. I want to engage but I think I appear as too intense, or even manic. it is just my way of hyper-vigilance and is natural to me. it causes a sudden rise in blood pressure and glucose and oxygen consumption, a kind of super-awareness that is expensive to maintain.
I am probably somewhat along the spectrum for autism and so I have always been someone who needs to spend a great deal of time alone, where I have room to inhabit my own thoughts and grow in understanding this life - my life - and time to relax my body and mind fully.
but I still cherish time with others.
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