EMPATHIES

i thought of something driving down the hill this morning. i think there are two kinds of emotional response to other people's troubles that loosely may be termed empathy:
the first is when you see someone in emotional or physical distress and it stimulates mirror neurons to elicit an emotional response in you. you feel the person's pain and want to help in any way you can to alleviate their distress — it is all about them.
the second is when you see someone in distress and that distresses you and your response is about trying to relieve the pain you are feeling in yourself — it is all about you. 
that second version, to me, seems like a kind of false empathy which makes you unavailable to focus your attention in a way that is useful in helping the other person. your own emotions are overwhelming you and though you buy in to whatever is happening (which may not always be useful if you are a parent) you remain the primary subject of your attention.