DISTINCTIONS

there are important distinctions that people need to make during life if common pitfalls are to be avoided. one is the distinction between getting along with others, which is laudable, and going along with others, which is problematic. 
another distinction, difficult for many people, is between blame and responsibility, both our judgement of others and subsequent reaction to them, and our understanding and judgement of ourselves. you are not to blame for being you. believe me, you did not design yourself, not even in some pretty trivial ways. but ultimately, you are responsible for your actions. that is the job of being human in a social world. however difficult it may be for you, ultimately you must take ownership of what you do and do your best to curb the worst excesses of brain chemistry, architecture and function you have inherited without choice. similarly, in reacting to others' actions, it is good to remember that they are just the first victims of their crimes, when crimes are committed. it is possible to condemn egregious behavior without committing unuseful behavior of your own by condemning the person being held responsible. a more useful and helpful reaction is to see if through a patient and rational response, you and society in general can in fact improve future outcomes for all.