PAST OR PRESENT?

EVERY TIME SOMEONE WINDS UP DRAGGING IN PAST GRIEVANCES, ESPECIALLY IN COUPLES AND FAMILIES, IT IS WELL FOR ALL PARTIES TO SIT UP AND LOOK AROUND.  WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE PRESENT?  BECAUSE THE PAST ONLY ENTERS THE PRESENT AT CERTAIN TIMES.  ALMOST ALWAYS THE PAST IS BROUGHT INTO THE ACTION WHEN SOMETHING ISNT GOING THE WAY THE BRINGER WANTS.  IT IS ADDED TO LEND WEIGHT TO THE ARGUMENT THAT EXTENDS BEYOND THE RATIONAL AND EQUAL TO INCLUDE AN EMOTIONAL CONTENT.  THIS ADDED CONTENT IS INTENDED TO ADD FORCE TO THE DISCUSSION IN FAVOR OF THE BRINGER .  IT IS AN ATTEMPT BY THE BRINGER TO ACHIEVE AN OUTCOME THAT MAY NOT BE JUST AND RECIPROCAL ON ITS OWN TERMS.  IT IS A FORM OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL THAT IS BY ITS NATURE SUBJECTIVELY WEIGHTED AND A DEPARTURE FROM THE GOAL OF EQUAL AND RECIPROCAL JUSTICE.  IT SELDOM LEADS TO A HAPPY OUTCOME.  ALL PARTIES WIND UP DISAPPOINTED — THE BRINGER FEELS THE PAST GRIEVANCE IS NOT BEING CREDITED WITH SUFFICIENT WEIGHT AND THEREFORE FEELS UNDERVALUED AND RATHER RIGHTEOUS ABOUT IT, THE PARTY TRYING TO KEEP TO THE RESOLUTION OF THE PRESENT MOMENT FEELS MANIPULATED BY EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL THAT SHOULD HAVE NO PART IN THE PRESENT DISPUTE AND ALSO FEELS RATHER RIGHTEOUS ABOUT IT.


THE SOLUTION IS TO KEEP THESE THINGS SEPARATE AND MAKE NO ATTEMPT TO LINK THEM.  PRESENT ISSUES SHOULD BE DECIDED IN THE PRESENT WITH EQUAL RESPECT FOR BOTH SIDES.  PAST GRIEVANCES CAN CERTAINLY BE DEALT WITH, BUT SEPARATELY AND INDEPENDENTLY FROM ANY UNRESOLVED DISPUTE, AND CAN ONLY BE DONE WHEN THERE IS NO ACTIVE DISPUTE ON THE TABLE.
THERE WOULD BE LESS CONFLICT IN THE HUMAN WORLD AND LESS PRESENT INJUSTICE IF DISPUTES COULD BE DELINKED FROM ANY PAST GRIEVANCE AND DEALT WITH ON THEIR MERITS.  EXPERIENCE IS ALWAYS USEFUL IN DEALING WITH THE PRESENT, BUT TRYING TO JUSTIFY PRESENT UNJUST BEHAVIOR AS JUST SIMPLY BY FACTORING IN PAST GRIEVANCES IS AN ETHICAL AND PHILOSOPHICAL ERROR AND WILL PERPETUATE A PENDULUM WHICH HAS INJUSTICE AT BOTH ENDS OF ITS ARC.
THIS IS NOT USEFUL AT THE PERSONAL OR GLOBAL LEVEL.